I was with my dear friend, Mary, and she asked me why I haven’t posted lately. Guess I need to cross that bridge, get back into the habit, come out of my healing shell, and proceed.
I partially blame lack of posts due to the distraction of having my 13 year old home with me during his summer break. He needs me to entertain him more now than when he was a baby or toddler or preschooler. Or even a grade-schooler!! Just opposite of what I had imagined when he was little! Having not worked since mid-January put a screeching halt on cash flow. And most fun summer camps cost money. Oh, and then there’s the matter of my injured foot, which still isn’t completely healed, but doing much better, as I posted yesterday. That, too, limited the fun adventures we’d planned for the summer break, using up a teen’s extra energy, allowing me some uninterrupted writing time. But, it’s truly not his fault that I’m easily distracted!
I also haven’t been writing because I needed to do some major introspection. What direction am I headed, what plan does the universe hold for me, how can I be whole again? I still don’t have the “big” answers, but I’m a bit clearer with my path. I’m still having issues with my fragrance sensitivity, and have expanded my reactions to include anxiety attacks. I’m understandably anxious when I go ANYWHERE. I mean, jeepers, I still have to carry an Epi-pen, so I’m not completely safe from anaphylactic shock. Some scents still make my face and eyes burn, albeit no hives are showing. This is new and disappointing–I had about three weeks where I wasn’t even getting the burn. Oh mercy, I was hopeful. SO hopeful. The return of the burn means the meds aren’t protecting me 100%. Question is what might trigger a severe reaction, how much might trigger, and how long will these meds actually work? I feel anxious when I see someone who may not be safe for me to be around because they SMELL NICE. When I’m in public and I smell fragrance, I mentally stop to explore if there’s a reaction happening due to that scent. Or if there’s a burning sensation, I have to scope out where the source is. That kinda hampers socializing. Tough for a social butterfly.
I had a melt down a few Sundays ago because my dearest hubby mowed the yard, then sprayed his legs and arms with window cleaner he had stored in his car trunk. This is to prevent poison ivy rash, just in case he’d been exposed. My eyes burned pretty badly when he walked past, and I thought it was just grass “stuff” bothering me. (I can’t mow or my eyes swell.) (Yes, I’m allergic to grasses too.) Then I smelled it. Window cleaner. ohmygoodness. I wasn’t even safe in my own home. Freak-out!! He went and washed it off, and the reaction didn’t get any worse than badly burning eyes. But still, that was really scary. I’ve been working on cognitive behavior therapy, trying to retrain my brain to not go bonkers when I’m feeling threatened. Think about this–if I’m possibly going into an allergic reaction and I stress out, the stress then exacerbates my reaction. Not good. Allergist suggested I go on anti-anxiety meds. No!! Not more medicine! So, I’m trying to simplify my brain, unlearn my panic reactions, stay calmer, and create a more peaceful and healing environment in my head. It’s a slow process.
I’ve started treatment using NAET. An explanation from the NAET.com website: “Nambudripad’s Allergy Elimination Techniques, also known as NAET, are a non-invasive, drug free, natural solution to alleviate allergies of all types and intensities using a blend of selective energy balancing, testing and treatment procedures from acupuncture/acupressure, allopathy, chiropractic, nutritional, and kinesiological disciplines of medicine.” When I looked this up to share on here, I also saw that there’s success with treating Autism disorders. Wowza! I have so many friends whose children are somewhere on the spectrum. Could this be a real live solution??
I’m also working toward simplifying our home, collecting stuff for our garage sale we’re having toward the end of September. There are still several places in the house that need purging, boxes that need emptying, stuff that needs sorting. Sometimes I chastise myself for how little I’ve accomplished over the summer break, disappointed in myself for not getting more done. Then I step back, realize that there are many projects I’m closer to completing, things I have finished, goals that are within reach, and growth that I’ve accomplished. And then I recognize that I’m chugging along, like the Little Engine That Could. (One of my favorite childhood stories.) Maybe not as fast as others, but I’m not them. And I’m trying to make the moments matter, because, remember, they really do.
With warm regards on your journey,